The ‘Bachelorette’ Recap: What the Hell Happened in Those Fantasy Suites?!

We have got clear instructions. Standing in an elephant graveyard of stars, overturned arches, and abandoned pedestals, Jesse Palmer introduces himself after part 2 of the Fantasy Suite episode (“Hey, Jesse Palmer here”), and then proceeds to warn (threaten?) that we need prepare yourself For the season 19 finale. “Take some time,” Jesse tells us in the tail-end of a show that has occupied four hours of our time this week alone. “Get yourself ready, and prepare yourself For the most shocking finale ever.” And I can’t explain to you how seriously Jesse takes this warning. He is newsroom Announcing on a plane that Osama bin Laden has been killed; he is delivering News for us and for us.

jessie palmer here

So now let me ask you: how serious are you Following Jesse Palmer’s instructions? Are you looking into Gabby and Rachel’s monogamous future? Are you sitting in an infrared sauna, ridding your body of toxins to make room for other people’s pain? Are you booking an emergency appointment with your doctor, and quietly quitting your job, and telling your family they’re on their own this week? [checks notes] prepare yourself most shocking Bachelorette End of all time? Oh, and I guess I actually have one more question for you: What’s in off-camera hell Happened in these fantasy suits?

In case you missed part 1 on Monday night, Rachel had a good night out with Ewen and Tino, Gabby amicably sends Johnny home, and Erich falls in love with Gabby more, then. Ruined it a bit by kicking off a difficult conversation. If you missed part 2 of the fantasy suite, so I really don’t know what to tell you. i think i might have dreamed This. My notes say “what’s up” over and over again in Wingdings font.

The best explanation I can give as to what happened between Gabby and Jason and Rachel and Zach is that there must have been a gas leak at the Vidanta Riviera Maya Resort. The entire hotel may have been built on a holy cemetery and is doomed to haunt the last one-third. Bachelorette Competitors who enter its hallowed suites? I think suites with indoor hot tub really Hell be the house, and it wasn’t Jason and Zach we saw walking out of their fantasy suit dates, but Beelzebub and Tchort, two demons sent to destroy the happiness and emotional well-being of the previously happy men ?

No matter the explanation, though, unexpected Andy-Dorfman-and-Juan-Pablo-scale disasters were looming left and right during Rachel and Gabby’s Final Fantasy Suite dates—as it turns out, they really are. did It requires a two-night program to air completely. However, there is no explanation of the last section with Jesse – but rest assured I will try.

He’s Just Not That Into You (R Franchise)

All I could think about during Jason’s fantasy suite date was, “We were” Party For you, Jason, we were all prepared for you!” It is firmly established within bachelor Canon that a more reserved contestant might make it to the end of their season and realize that the time during which they thought they would come to get engaged is over. At which point, they can offer a platform with the option of either becoming girlfriend and boyfriend, designed specifically for engagement, or simply self-elimination…

Jason, however, offers a fun new twist on the archetype, in which he knows he has to tell Gabby that he’s not ready to get engaged… but he never actually offers a Plan B. He tells her that he doesn’t want to “get away from it,” but during the date night portion, he doesn’t seem open to the idea either. dating Gabby. It is much discussed that Jason is a private, reserved person, and so this experience has been particularly difficult for him. Gabby is receptive to him, and this is clearly part of what appealed to Jason with her. But, at the same time, Gabby has another man who really loves her and wants to be in a serious relationship with her, and Jason is basically like, “Yeah, when it’s all over, I’ll tell you. Would love to call you sometime.”

Jason’s main hang-up seems to be that with all the cameras around, he doesn’t feel like he and Gabby can “completely know” each other. Which is a good enough reason not to get engaged, but it seems like the more Jason says, the more he begins to believe her. none His relationship with Gabby has been genuine. So, who really were the two knuckles out there laughing and out and about all day long around the tennis courts and swimming holes of the Riviera Maya, I wonder? fake Jason and fake Gabby?

Gabby understands where Jason is coming from, and invites him to the fantasy suite because she feels that private time together may be all she needs to feel more comfortable. “One conversation with Jason can really change everything,” Gabby tells the camera.

champagne bug

But the reader it is not, Or at least not in the way Gabby expected. The next morning when the editors start playing horror movie music and point out a bug in a champagne glass, we know something has gone wrong. Apparently, behind closed doors, Jason decided there was no way this was going to work, and Gabby looked like he probably knew it all. The next morning, Gabby is not looking for an apology, but she tells Jason that he led her before saying goodbye. It’s sad, but it ultimately gives Gabby the clarity she needs to see that this is Erich, this has always been Erich, and it always has been. to be Happen Erich. (At least until next week whatever happens, which we’re all currently preparing for through a balanced diet and Ujjayi breathing according to Jesse’s instructions.)

i love you gabby

I’m not made of stone, and so when Gabby finally walks over to Erich and tells him he needs to process how safe and loved he feels it’s because the concept is so foreign to him. , and he tells her that he loves her, I did Weeping Luckily, I wasn’t the only one who had that particular physical reaction on Tuesday night…

Zach’s Tears Tracks

If You Can Believe It, Rachel and Zach’s Fantasy Suit Is Even More Confused compared to Gabby and Jason. Because two happy people enter, one crying person leaves, and we don’t get to see anything in between. Once again, there are no boots on the ground in the morning-after cinematography of Rachel and Zach’s Fantasy Suite, and instead a wildly awkward breakfast-No-in bed.

Rachel is very clearly smiling through breakfast, most likely intending to break up with Zach at the earliest ABC-mandated opportunity. But Zack is completely taken aback by the night he spent with Rachel. To reiterate, I can only speculate as to what happened inside the fantasy suit, but given the change in Zach’s behavior, my best assumption is that Rachel unbuttoned her skin suit to reveal that she Martin is short.

zach staring

There really is no other explanation. But after their uncomfortable breakfast, Zach goes to chat with Jesse and we finally find out what happened… like, Per Zach, Rachel was a completely different person with him behind closed doors. Through tears, he tells Jesse that their conversation was so unprofessional, and despite her saying that he is ready to get engaged, she continues to question him about his age and how he is possibly ready to marry. It is possible

To me, it sounds like Rachel knew she wanted to break up with Zach, and so invented the narrative that she was too young. (As Zach points out, Rachel is only a few months older than him.) It’s not a one-of-a-kind thing, but if it’s not a Martin Short skin-suit thing, it means the most to me. But for Zack, who loves Rachel, he can’t make any A sense of change in Rachel’s behavior. And This There’s the power of the fantasy suit – you’re either a bone or a witness to the fact that you’ve never spent time alone with the person you think you want to marry.

Hey Jessie, WTF?

Would you believe me if I told you that after four hours of fantasy suits, we don’t get a single everyday ceremony? Instead, as Zach pulls Rachel aside to talk to her before the Rose ceremony, the scene crash-cut in Los Angeles, where Palmer stands in the abandoned studio above, gives us a laundry list of confusing statements. Waiting to be told, what I will comment briefly here:

  • “I know you’re all curious and curious to know what happens next, but unfortunately you won’t be able to see tonight—and I’m very sorry for that.” So sorry you’re not doing that, Jesse!
  • “Things have been so emotional, so dramatic, for both Gabby and Rachel, that we felt it was right to take a moment and prepare ourselves for the shocking events that were about to happen.” He knows we know they filmed this months ago, right? That one doesn’t have to be emotionally prepared for something they’ve already created, edited, and done live?
  • “Events that will change the lives of both Rachel and Gabby forever”,, My man, you lost the right to use that particular series of words when you started giving out cruise vouchers last week.
  • “So, next week, we’ll see the most emotional finale of all Bachelorette History, and it’s going to go live right here, on this platform.” It won’t be live! Gabby and Rachel can answer this live, but the next episode preview covers events from the past. Why is this franchise so weird about timing?!
  • “So take some time, prepare yourself, and prepare yourself for the most shocking finale ever.”

You heard that guy: Get ready! Why? We don’t know. For how long? Well, We Know that the finale will go on for the next two weeks, but in all his pontifications, Jesse hasn’t mentioned that fact once, so who knows. and for? Well, it must be Rachel, Gabby and whatever non-fiction lovers they return home. See you somewhere, sometimes to solve it all.

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