‘Pinocchio’ Review – A Bloated, Beached Whale Of A Live-Action Remake

Original 1940 pinocchio My personal favorite is the Disney animated film; Sure, it has its flaws and is absurd in many ways, but the terrifying ass transformation is borderline horror genre material, Jiminy Cricket is utterly joyous and shockingly horny, and the honest John Worthington Fallfellow steals the show. He is not only the best character of the film, but also the recipient of its best song.

Source: Pinocchio (1940), Disney

However, the new live-action remake directed by Robert Zemeckis and written by Chris Weitz himself. (Rogue One: A Star Wars Story), and Simon Farnby (Paddington 2), similar to Disney’s other live-action remakes, such as Dumbo, aladdinAnd The Lion King,

That is to say, it keeps enough of the original animated film to make its existence feel pointless, while simultaneously introducing enough new material to piss you off.

As far as storytelling, the original film was already felt, but the Zemeckis version is all over the place, featuring a constantly revolving door of new and familiar characters who, oddly enough, only have one or two There are scenes that can never be seen again.

Tom Hanks’s Geppetto is so hard to understand through his awful Italian accent — be prepared to put subtitles — and his entire backstory rewritten.

While Gepetto originally created his wooden puppet son to make up for the fact that he was a lonely old man who had never married or had human children of his own, in the new film, Gepetto played Not only did he mention that he once had a wife, but that Pinocchio is based on his son who passed away at an early age.

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Source: Pinocchio (2022), Disney

Cynthia Erivo is the Blue Fairy in the movie and is fine in the role, but it’s weird that you’ll never see her again once Gepetto’s wish is granted.

Contrary to how her animated avatar saw Pinocchio and helped her escape Stromboli’s clutches, the new Blue Fairy originally exists to bring the puppet to life, singing a new and expanded version of her “When You Wish Upon”. A star”, and then bail.

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(LR): Cynthia Erivo as the Blue Fairy, Pinocchio (voiced by Benjamin Evan Ainsworth), and Jiminy the Cricket (voiced by Joseph Gordon-Levitt in Disney’s live-action Pinocchio, exclusively on Disney+. Photo courtesy of Disney Enterprises, Inc. © 2022 Disney Enterprises, Inc. All rights reserved.

Speaking of, even Stromboli got the shaft, as the gypsy aspect of his character has been completely erased.

Originally mean, loud and short-tempered with a memorable accent, Zemeckis hasn’t turned Stromboli into a forgettable blob.

The actor who portrays him, Giuseppe Battiston, even looks like he’s faltering through his performance. He raises his voice and throws it around his tickling belly, but is otherwise tragically little used.

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Source: Pinocchio (2022), Disney

Kyanne Lamaya portrays a new character named Fabina, a member of Stromboli’s caravan of misfits, who conducts his own marriage named Sabina, who believes she is a significant love interest for Pinocchio. was introduced in.

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Source: Pinocchio (2022), Disney

This is further emphasized by the fact that while she and Fabina are the only side characters to receive any substantial screen time after their initial introduction, apart from singing a few times and making the point of having a mechanical leg, Fabina The role of unnecessary fluff.

Sure, she turns out to be the only human other than Gepetto that Pinocchio can rely on, but she’s boring enough that you don’t care whether she comes or goes.

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Source: Pinocchio (2022), Disney

There’s also the Lorraine Bracco-voiced Sophia the Seagull, a new bird character who serves little purpose other than injecting her sassy mouth into any scene and being a source of transportation.

Meanwhile, Chloe’s transition from animation to live-action was nothing short of successful, as she suddenly has these sharp edges on her face that just don’t work.

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Source: Pinocchio (2022), Disney

In contrast, Figaro is as adorable as ever, but Disney still found a way to shoot himself in the foot by skipping some of his more memorable and cartoonish scenes and features, like going to bed or going to bed. How wears a knightcap at one point sits at a dining table with a handkerchief around his neck, paw in silverware.

As far as Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s Jiminy Cricket goes, his voice sucks and his self-deprecating, fourth-wall-breaking narration is more annoying than anything.

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Source: Pinocchio (2022), Disney

Nevertheless, perhaps the most significant changes can be seen only on Pleasure Island in Zemeckis.

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Source: Pinocchio (1940), Disney

In the animated film, it is never reported that the boys who were kidnapped turned into donkeys, and although the story implies that their transformation was caused by their smoking cigars, drinking beer, and misbehaving, this ultimately led to little remains unclear.

Zemeckis, on the other hand, swaps cigars and beers for root beer and the destruction of rampant property, and begins to change even when Pinocchio does not participate in either.

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Source: Pinocchio (2022), Disney

The coachman also uses vapor creatures (I like to refer to them as donkeys smoking demons) to encircle the kids – this time both boys and girls – when they turn into donkeys.

Sure, the creatures are an impressive work of special effects and are nice to watch, but show up so subtly that they come off like Zemeckis, who for a moment shows off all the money he’s thrown at him.

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Source: Pinocchio (2022), Disney

The high points in the film are few and far between.

Keegan-Michael’s as the voice of Zemecki’s Honest John is amazing. His performance is boisterous and over the top and it looks like he’s having a blast voicing the character, ultimately resulting in a performance that glorifies the animated version of the character.

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Source: Pinocchio (2022), Disney

There are also some variations that I find interesting.

While Monstro has not been around for some time now, being instead a sea monster with a dorsal fin on its back and camouflaged tentacles, its sequences are incredible to watch.

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Source: Pinocchio (2022), Disney

And though the character of Carnival Barker, who Honest John and Gideon originally employed to recruit the kids to Pleasure Island, is gone, Luke Evans is charismatic and Beetlejuice-esque in his role as his replacement, the coachman— Particularly one of the only roles to get one of the film’s handful of good songs.

Gepetto’s Disney watches are also a fun cutaway gag that lasts for a while, but is fun nonetheless.

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Source: Pinocchio (2022), Disney

pinocchio The ungrateful, frivolous turd of a live-action movie has been transformed from a flawed animated masterpiece.

Most of the classic characters have been embroiled in some capacity, while the newer characters are lame flowers that serve more as insurmountable obstacles than to offer entertainment value or overall purpose to the actual story.

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Tom Hanks as Gepetto in PINOCCHIO, exclusively on Disney+. Disney Enterprises, Inc. Photo courtesy of © 2022 Disney Enterprises, Inc. All rights reserved.

With tangled wires and a tangled story, pinocchio There’s a musical misfire that seems set to wipe out everything that made its animated counterpart so enjoyable.

‘Pinocchio’ review — a bloated, beached whale of a live-action remake


  • Keegan-Michael as Honest John
  • Luke Evans as Coachman
  • Demon


  • Old and new characters feel disposable
  • forget new songs
  • The story is more complex than the original

3overall score

Reader Rating: (1 1 vote)


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