Explaining the ‘Don’t Worry Darling’ celebrity dumpster fire

It’s both a rare and joyous occasion when celebrities publicly feud in public, because it never happens. Usually, when stars hate each other, it turns out to be either a Jimmy Kimmel gag or an ad for HelloFresh. Otherwise, they keep their grievances so hidden that my 10-year-old would need two hours to unbox them.

The last time I saw real animosity between Hollywood stalwarts in the public eye was when “Mad Max: Fury Road” debuted in theaters. That film remains a masterpiece, and Charlize Theron and Tom Hardy are determined to never work together again, as long as they both live. If you don’t count the Oscar night slap fights, we haven’t had good beef since. I have cried many nights over this. But reader, that all changed this week, when not one but six famous-ass guys got involved in a battle royale that gives me hope for the beef industry as a whole. It was a little old Hollywood tusslin’ that we don’t get anymore, featuring cheatin’ spouses, passive-aggressive digs, on-screen orgasms, hotly debated moments of Expectation, and even Bigfoot. this is right. Big pow.

It all pertains to the upcoming domestic sci-fi thriller “Don’t Worry Darling,” which tells the story of a young woman whose 1950s marriage the perfect — say it with me — doesn’t seem like it. This movie doesn’t have a shot at being as good as “Fury Road,” but now Americans are supplied with more beef than In-N-Out in any given week.

So it’s going for it. Allow me to answer all of your questions about this Terrestrial Infinite Warfare, starting by introducing you to its principles.

Olivia Wilde at the Venice Film Festival premiere of “Don’t Worry Darling” on September 5, 2022.

luca damico

Who is Olivia Wilde?

A former A-List-ish actress (“The O.C.”,” “House,” “Tron: Legacy”) who went behind the camera to direct “Booksmart,” my favorite movie of 2019. After “Booksmart” got great reviews. , Sony and Marvel tapped Wilde to direct an unnamed tentpole film that will almost certainly be “Spider-Woman.” This bothered me personally, because I’ve seen what comic book movies do with promising directors whose names don’t rhyme with Christopher Pollan. But money is money, and Wilde still has to direct a second feature before being fed into the Marvel woodcut. That movie is “Don’t Worry Darling,,

Who is Harry Styles?

One Direction’s Justin Timberlake. Fantastic dresser. My mother loves her. Her favorite song in the world is “Watermelon Sugar” and you better believe I’ll never tell her what that song is about. I’m not sure my mom knows Harry Styles is in “Don’t Worry Darling.” Either he is unaware of this fact, or he pre-ordered tickets for it on Fandango four months ago. could have gone either way.

Alice in.  as Florence Pugh "Don't worry darling."

Florence Pugh as Alice in “Don’t Worry Darling”.

Courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures

Who is Florence Pugh?

An incredibly talented young actress who also gets the Olivia Rodrigo treatment on Twitter, where people cry OMG A Legend whenever she tells the press that she feels good, like eating upscale yogurt. Played a Russian assassin in “Black Widow” and, in the end, was the only redeeming thing about that movie. Greta Gerwig’s adaptation of “Little Woman” also won enough, a film I never expected to see, let alone enjoy.

Who is Shia LaBeouf?

No, that’s not a classic French stew. LaBeouf started out as a talented child artist. He anchored Michael Bay’s “Transformers” films and was the supposed heir to the “Indiana Jones” franchise, but LaBeouf also suffered from alcoholism, a performing arts stage that even Joaquin Phoenix found unnecessary, and openly a short. Stolen a comic book for the film. He created. Most damning, the musician was sued by FKA Twigs for allegedly assaulting her, strangling her, verbally abusing her, and allegedly intentionally giving her an STD while they were in a relationship. The trial is scheduled to start from next April. Johnny Depp fans are already excited for it.

Who is Chris Pine?

Handsome actor whom many remember from big movies like “Star Trek” and mean-ass indies “Hell or High Water”. A decade ago he was also the recipient of sex from actress Olivia Munn which later leaked to more and more internet and which I didn’t read at all, not at all. Currently one of the saddest dye jobs I’ve ever seen on anyone, man or woman.

Who is Jason Sudeikis?

Ted Lasso. Used to be in a long term relationship with Wilde but now is not.

Olivia Wilde, Nick Kroll and Chris Pine "Don't worry darling."

Olivia Wilde, Nick Kroll and Chris Pine in “Don’t Worry Darling”.

Courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures

How are they all connected?

Wilde directed “Don’t Worry Darling” and also starred with Pine in a supporting role. Styles and Pugh are the lead pair, with Styles once playing LaBeouf, who was reportedly fired for rolling the cameras, but not before FKA Twigs came forward with his allegations.

According to an interview Wilde gave to Variety’s Elizabeth Wagmeister, LaBeouf was removed from the set because the actor has “a process that, in some ways, requires a combative energy, and I personally Don’t believe this is conducive to best performance.” I am going to play freelance translator here and say that he loves to kill people.

Wilde also told Wagmeister that, as for women’s empowerment on screen, “Men don’t come in this movie. Only women here!” Because there’s nothing that can stop heterosexual men like me from seeing a woman away from a movie. more than likely.

Should we believe Wilde when she says she fired LaBeouf for being a ladyhead?

No. LaBeouf says that he left the film and that Wilde did not remove him at all. And he brought the receipt. Roll the video…

Nothing says “I care” like sending someone a video you filmed while driving a car. Two weeks from now I plan to wish my wife a happy 20th anniversary. You call it directing, lady? The video will certainly make it seem as though Wilde was more interested in Pugh grinding his teeth and muscles during the days of filming with LaBeouf—as Theron had to deal with Hardy’s combativeness during “Fury Road”—than Pugh. than to make you feel “safe,” as Wilde later claimed. The truth is perhaps the dirtiest of all, but far less interesting. Especially when you consider what happened next.

Florence Pugh Inn "Don't worry darling."

Florence Pugh in “Don’t Worry Darling”.

Courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures

What was that?

LaBeouf was replaced by Styles, whom Wilde claims she had always wanted for the role, but was hired because of Styles’ ongoing commitments as one of the world’s biggest pop stars. could not be kept. Styles had acting experience, most notably in Christopher Nolan’s World War II epic “Dunkirk”. I can’t remember which character Styles played in that movie. I don’t really remember any character from that movie. Probably because none of them orgasmed on camera. who’s to say?

So hiring Styles ended all the drama, yes?

[Bart Simpson voice] On the contrary, my brother, After Styles got aboard, he and Wilde turned it over. Many watermelons were high in sugar. Wilde and Sudeikis eventually parted ways, with Sudeikis serving Wilde Custody Papers to their children while she was on stage at CinemaCon in Las Vegas. I wish the late New York Post gossip columnist Liz Smith was still alive to report this news, and to use the word “canoodling” five times in each paragraph.

Speaking of the post, their Page Six reports (a grain of salt) that Pugh was kicked out of Wilde and Styles’ on-set affair, which may have started while Wilde was in a relationship with the Sudeikis and not too. Plus, Pugh told Harper’s Bazaar that he was actually Wilde’s “Only girls here bust a nut!” Filming Policy, given that her own on-camera intercourse was the highlight of the first “DWD” trailer.

Florence Pugh took a selfie at the world premiere of "don't worry darling" At the Venice Film Festival on September 5, 2022.

Florence Pugh takes a selfie at the world premiere of “Don’t Worry Darling” at the Venice Film Festival on September 5, 2022.

luca damico

Did they all send in the octagon to settle their differences?

I want. But alas, no. No, instead they all agreed to meet in Temecula, and by Temecula I mean Venice. There, Pugh left (and reportedly will) attend the “DWD” presser, despite being too much in town. Skip the New York Premiere) split from Styles Wilde, which means something because two people in love are not allowed to travel apart. Styles also declared the film “a film”, which surprised many in attendance and spawned a pine. Mam Which has already been found in the dust. Wilde accused the internet of being mean and goofy (us? Never). And Styles was caught on camera spitting on Pine’s lap at the premiere, despite no splashes anywhere a video Of the incident. Give your choice of Zapruder-style break, but I’m pretty sure my mom’s favorite pop star isn’t going to openly spit on one of her co-stars where everyone can see her do it.

Where does he leave everything?

no where. but i want to guide you this series of tweets Outlining how Wilde’s mother once ran for Congress in Virginia against the misleading name Denver Rigelman, and allegedly accused Rigelman of being horny to Bigfoot. Maybe Riggleman would like to see Bigfoot orgasm on camera one day. However, to date, Rigelman Denies Blame. He also defeated Wilde’s mother in that particular election. This really has nothing to do with “don’t worry darling” but will you leave it out of this blog post? Not at all

Florence Pugh and Harry Styles "Don't worry darling."

Florence Pugh and Harry Styles in “Don’t Worry Darling”.

Courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures

OK, but is the movie good?

That’s really the question, isn’t it? After all, “Fury Road” was so good that it managed to clear up the controversy behind its creation. If “DWD,” which comes out later this month, is also a good movie, no one will care about the affairs, or the petty complaints, or the spit. But I didn’t get a screener for the film from Warner Bros., so for the time being I have to rely on other critics to find out what’s in store. Here’s what one of them, Vanity Fair’s Richard Lawson, thought about it:

,[A] A pile of blurry copies of things that were better done elsewhere years ago. ,

Lawson was hardly the only one to hold that opinion, and that is the real tragedy. I think celebrities hate each other all the time. Olivia Wilde Versus Every Cast’s public affair is nice and juicy, but not really a jerk. The big surprise, and certainly worse, will be that the best part of Wilde’s directing career is behind him rather than in front of him.

But good directors are allowed to fail, and so I sincerely hope that this whole scandal is forgotten. Not because Wilde wants it to be forgotten, but because she ends up with a filmography that’s a lot more memorable by comparison.

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